Sunday, August 31, 2014

Through the fire...

The midwife told me my uterus was empty, so there would be nothing to pass. She said there may be some blood clots or my period would be a bit heavier.

I was grateful to spend the week coping with the news of my empty uterus and anxious to have my period so that my body could stop feeling pregnant and I could stop feeling so bloated.

I started spotting just a few days after my appointment, but nothing more than that.  Day after day I would spot and not feel anything more coming.

Late Saturday night all I wanted to do was read my book (which is so good) but I had this overwhelming urge to cook all the food, clean all the things, fold all the clothes, put away all the dishes and make sure everything was JUST SO.  Weekends are SUCH a crap shoot at my apt. I usually do this Monday morning, but something inside kept me going until I collapsed into bed.

All night I was wakened by pain in my tailbone and stomach.  Since I never have cramping before my period, it took me a second to realize this was menstrual cramps and that hopefully finally I would be having my period.

Suddenly at 6 am I felt a gush and I ran to the bathroom and sat on the toilet for quite a while as my body became so painful.  After a few of them, I realized I was having contractions 3 minutes apart! The familiar swell and climax, the break in between...I was in labor! I was not having my period, I was having a miscarriage, minus the fetus.  

During a break from the pain I looked this up to see how long I could expect it to last. Most chat boards indicated a few hours and my favorite was when I read things like: "those who choose to have a natural miscarriage"...

My midwife did not suggest or think I was a candidate for a D & C....but I have to admit, in the future if this happens again and there IS a baby I need to pass, I think I will opt for that.  A natural miscarriage feels a LOT like natural labor only without the beautiful reward at the end.  2 hours of contractions was enough. Finally I rested.

The good news is my house is clean and there was food all ready for me to eat when I woke up from my morning recovery nap.  Everything is in order so that I can sit and nurse my new baby...I can take care of my little chickens and nurture them through their first day of school this week.

Needless to write, I am so glad that's over.  Thanks for being there for me through it all.  I found this quote today that really made me smile:

"The struggle to break out of the cocoon develops the butterfly so it can fly.  Without that adversity, the butterfly would never have the strength to achieve its destiny.  It would never develop the strength to become something extraordinary." -Joseph B Wirthlin


  1. I love you, sister. I'm sending hugs and prayers from here too

  2. I am so sorry this has happened to you. Sending prayers.

  3. Sending lots of love your way. {{{Hugs}}}